I can’t tell you what it feels like to be the 20 year old girlfriend of another 20 year old who has cancer. It is still something so new, so..changing that I still can’t even sort it out in my mind, maybe I don’t want to sort it out because it hurts to think about. I can, however tell you what I see.
I see IV’s and fluid bags, some full of chemo.
I see hospital rooms, sometimes at 3 am because it is time for him to have a nurse collect pee.
I see him struggle- he can’t eat and is losing weight, his parents can’t do the remodel they’ve saved for and he blames himself, his friends are enjoying college while he is trying to remember what he was like before it happened.
I see our relationship change, we can’t find each other because we have lost parts of ourselves.
I see uncertainty, where does your future go when you don’t even know when/if cancer will be done with you.
I see things that I didn’t think I’d see until I was..grown up, until I was 40 or older. I see things that I’m not sure will ever leave my sight, like the 20k cost of one bag of chemo.
I wish that before we’d been in this situation, that I had known more about cancer, seen more of cancer, so that I could have been prepared. Cancer is not just a physical ailment, cancer changes so many things psychologically as well, any serious illness will.
I know that while not the majority, there are still many out there who can relate to this post, if you do, feel free to add on something you see while going through this, or perhaps what you hear, or any other sense you can describe. There are millions of users on Tumblr, if we spread this around we can raise awareness of what Cancer is, aside from just the physical aspect. Maybe, we can even raise money for those who are being affected by it. If you can, please donate, if you can’t at least take the time to reblog or share elsewhere. Thanks everyone!
Sean and Hannah are a couple currently battling Sean’s Rhabdomyosarcoma (sarcoma of the muscle), this link is to their fund page.
Sean and I are currently battling Sean’s Osteosarcoma (sarcoma of the bone), this link is to our fund page.
Please feel free to add in fund pages for those of you who are or know someone who is trying to raise money to help cover their costs.